Riding the MTR Pendulum

Any time spent not focusing on educating people about Mountaintop Removal coal mining, or on canvassing our community, calling elected officials, writing here on my blog or attending meetings feels like guilty, stolen time.  No matter what I’m doing, my activity, my thoughts are interrupted by something else I need to do to stop this mine and save our home.  Just now, I stopped writing to send a quick email to our attorney.  Every day, all day, is like that.  I’m doing laundry and making phone calls.  It feels like I’m doing everything (I’m not).  It feels like it’s all up to me (it’s not).  It feels like no one else is helping (patently not true).  I can’t do enough.

Or, I do nothing.  Awash in hopelessness.  “I wonder if I’ll be able to open our windows to the bird song and the breeze this time next year.”  “I wonder if I’ll be able to drink our water.”  “I wonder if my spouse’s COPD will flair.”  “I wonder if my father-in-law’s Asbestosis will flair.” “What’s the point.  No one wins against coal.” “The mine complex is only five miles from the state capitol building – kind of says it all.”  “WHY DOES NO ONE CARE?”  Self-pity and despair.  I loathe it.

All of us, me, my spouse and my father-in-law had a conversation where we all admitted to feeling this way.  Up one minute, and not just down, but all the way down, the next.  We committed to not taking it out on each other.  To remember that we’re in this together.  We’re driving each other in this struggle and making allowances.

But we’re not stopping.